Mid-click on GosuG's. Click on the address bar. Type in abusehm. Press down. Press enter.

Your will changes everyday
It's a choice you got to make
I can't help you if I want to
Down here nothing gets a chance
It's a threat that's real enough
We can burn this bridge or stay here
It's a breeze everlasting like time
Making so sure that
I can return just to see it from your side again

Always never seems to work
It's a word you never learned
I don't really see a way clear
It's a sea ever churning in tides
In the sureness of time
And our words will repeat now forever again
Well this might take a while to figure out
So don't you rush it
And hold your head up high right through the doubt
'Cause it's just a matter of time
You've been running so fast
It's the seven day mile
Has you torn in-between here and running away

I don't have a choice in this
It's a road I've come upon
You can join us if you want to

Always never seems to work
It's a word we never learned
Time will be the judge of all here
This might take a while to figure out now
So don't you rush it
And hold you're head up high
Right through the doubt now
'Cause its just a matter of time
You've been running so fast
It's the seven day mile
Has you torn in-between here and running away
It's line you've been wanting
It's your time
It's the seven day mile
Has you torn in-between here and never again
Never again

And down here nothing gets chance
It's a world too big for us
Time will be the judge of all here
This might take a while to figure out now
So don't you rush it
And hold you're head up high
Right through the doubt now
'Cause its just a matter of time
You've been running so fast
It's the seven day mile
Has you torn in-between yeah and never again
Never again

mmh...

"And that.. was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine."

So much wisdom in a world so confused.

The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutes.

1:48 AM

1:48.. nevis 19:35.. Kas to būtu domājis.
Cilvēki ir vāji.. Es arī.. Kas to būtu domājis.
Man ir jauns ieradums.. Dienu nedēļā.. Atteikties no tā negribās, un tas ir grūti, bet man tas ir jādara. Ne sevis dēļ.. Kas to būtu domājis.
Ienīst ir tik viegli. Izskatās. Ehh, dažreiz es arī to gribētu. Kas to būtu domājis.
Cilvēki noveļ vainu uz citiem, jo paši jūtas kā svētās nevainības, un katru reizi, kad kaut kas to apdraud, tad viņiem vajag aizsargāties, un tādējādi, viņi to arī dara. Kas to būtu domājis.
Es vairs neprotu būt skumjšs, tikai neitrāls. Kas to būtu domājis.
Man ir par vienu melnrakstu vairāk.. Pārējie gan ir publiskoti, laika gaitā.. Kas to būtu domājis.
Es gribu atpakaļ uz Foam Kingdom, gribu uz spuņciemu, gribu silto lampu, putas, lielupi, tumsu, draugus, kas mani meklē, kamēr es blandos riņķī ar telefonu.. Kas to būtu domājis.
Es gribu uzrakstīt dzejolīti.. Kā agrāk.. Tādu pašu iemeslu dēļ. Dēļ tā kas ir, pat ja tas kas ir, ir slikts un sāpīgs. Vismaz ir. Kas to būtu domājis..
Es esmu izveidojis sarakstu. Tur ir tikai 3 lietas. Bet es tās izdarīšu.
Es jūtos varens. Jo man ir iekšējie orgāni, tad ļoti daudz brīvas vietas, ūn tad mans apvalks, sõ itkā vajadzētu domāt, ka es esmu liels, bet īstenībā vnk iekšā gandrīz nekā nav.. Izņemot tukšu vietu.. Kas to būtu domājis..
Vēl tikai drusciņ.. Vēl tikai 3 lietas, un būs.. būs izbrīns sejās un lūpās vārdi :"kas to būtu domājis.."
Būs 1:48am.

I'm happy.

I made a few pictures in PS.. Damn.. I haven't done that in ages.


Un vēl man iepatikās vārdi daži..

Even though you're gone and far away
I feel you all around
I think about it every single day
You got away somehow

I can't sleep, it's hard to breathe
And I still feel you next to me, now I can see

[Chorus]:
The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart
Your first love, yeah you're so young
And you feel like a fallen star
There's a fire in the city
That's burning out tonight
You're breathing but you're barely alive
The first one is the worst one
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart

Spinning like a movie in my head
I've seen a thousand times
I learned to take it hard and fall instead
Of sitting safe on the sidelines

Lost days, pictures fade
Somehow you're still miles away, it's safe to say

[Chorus]

'Cause I would run through a thunderstorm
Just to kiss you
I'm out here on my own
Better now than I was before, but I miss you
And I want you to know

I can't sleep, it's hard to breathe
And I still feel you next to me, and i can see, yeah

[Chorus]

The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart (feel you all around)
Your first love, yeah you're so young
And you feel like a fallen star (got away somehow)

There's a fire in the city
That's burning out tonight
You're breathing but you're barely alive
The first one is the worst one
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart

Jām, un vēl es sapratu, ka es esmu laimīgs.
Man ir, kas tāds, kas visdrīzāk nav nevienam ko pazīstu. Tikai man. Vienam pašam. Iekšā. Un vienmēr būs...
Vienmēr.
Vienam pašam.

Ūn jā, to visu kaut cik labi apraksta šitie vārdi.

A little change of the heart
A little light in the dark
A little hope that you just might find your way up out of here
'Cause you've been hiding for days
Wasted and wasting away
But I got a little hope today you'll face your fears

Yeah, I know it's not easy, I know that it's hard
Follow the lights to the city

Get up and go
Take a chance and be strong
Or you could spend whole life holding on
Don't look back, just go
Take a breath, move along
Or you could spend your whole life holding on
You could spend your whole life holding on

Believe the tunnel can end
Believe your body can mend
Yeah, I know you can make it through
'Cause I believe in you
So let's go put up a fight
Let's go make everything alright
Go on and take a shot, go give it all you got

Oh yeah, I know it's not easy
I know that it's hard
No, it's not always pretty

Don't wanna wake up to the telephone ring
"Are you sitting down? I need to tell you something."
Enough is enough, you can stop waiting to breathe
And don't wait up for me

Don't you spend your whole life holding on, yeah
Just go.

/happy.

Half the mind, Half the heart, Half the will.

First day.

Man kāds vienreiz palīdzēja, uz manu teikto, kas lika noprast, ka ciešu, ka viens iedarbīgs veids ir rakstīt. Vnk rakstīt visu kas uz sirds un nepieciešamības gadījumā uzrakstīto sadedzināt ūn jā, pēdējo pāris dienu laikā es tik pat kā tikai to vien darīju. Uz lapām, uz kompja, te blogā. Un jā.. I did it my way, so basically rakstīju nedaudz citādākas lietas. Tābiš izmests tika viss negatīvais.
Es gan šobrīd neesmu pilnīgi pārliecināts, bet man šķiet ka tas nostrādāja, uz sirds ir vieglāk, kad viss sliktais ko vien varēju iedomāties ir uzrakstīts, sadedzināts, uzdrukāts un aizsūtīts pasaulē.
Ūn jā.. es ceru, ka tie trīs cilvēki, kas par šitās vietas eksistenci zin, nepārprata to, ko nevajadzēja mēģināt saprast.
Bet nu jēs.. Gandrīz kā jau agrāk teicu, ierakstu skaits samazināsies. Cerams drastiski. Ļoti ilgi šī vieta bija mans patvērums no visiem sūdiem kas iekšā sakrājušies un vieta kur dalīties dažās labās lietās, bet nu.. Jā.. Es sapratu, ka to visu rakstot uz papīra tomēr efekts ir labāks.
Kas vēl.. nu jau ir pagājušas 14 dienas bez mana apciemojuma vietā, ko esmu iesaucis par Sāpju fabriku, kgan agrāk tā bija superīga vieta kur iegriesties.. Apmerināt ziņkāri, bet nu, tas tiešām vairs nav nepieciešams.
Daudz klausos sick puppies diskogrāfiju. Tīk.
Un man ir interesanti, kad es beigšu sev melot, pārprast lietas, par kurām man nemaz nav jāzin, ūn dot cilvēkiem maldīgu priekšstatu par lietām.
Un jā.. man pēdējās nedēļas laikā ir ļoti trakas domas galvā. Man bail. Saka ka zālēs placebo efekts ir ~80%. Tad nu pieņemsim ka dzīvē arī. Ūn tas laikam nozīmē ka man neko īpaši daudz nav atlicis. Bēt nu whatever, gan jau būs labiņi.
I hate lying to people. Yet, now, I do it a lot.

Almost as promised. Black lamb.

Atkārtoti:
Anesthetized by these lies
I don't believe in truth
And I apologize
But my sacrifice
Has nothing to do with you
'Cause I've been victimized
Like ocean size
From the blood your needle drew
And I apologize
But my demise
Has everything to do with you
Settle up with the devil
Close the basement door
Full force on the shovel
And unearth the floor
You were there one day
But you're here no more
Like a stroke through the heart
And you play the whore
'Cause you stole my soul
Kleptomaniac
Now I can hate myself take my anger back
Love is a violent attack
You cut me down
I feel no pain now
This nightmare is almost through
I hit the ground
No need to feel now
My time here is all but done
All but done
Now I'm up in the attic
Where the rafter's strong
So many reasons to be tragic
And the list is long
If you think I've lost hope
You were never wrong
'Cause the churning of the rope
Is my battle song
Settle up with the devil
Close the basement door
Full force on the shovel
And unearth the floor
You we're there one day
But you're here no more
Like a stake through the heart
And you play the whore
'Cause you burned my souol
Pyromaniac
You can hate yourself take your anger back
Love is a violent attack
I can't stand on my own feet now
I can't crawl forever and a day
Felt like I was getting stronger
Before you turned and walked away
I apologize
But my demise
Has everything to do with you
_________________________________________

Shady looking room again, always asking whats wrong
On the wrong medicine, recovering but Im gone
Stop asking questions that make me hate me
I cant believe this pain let her take me

I refuse to listen, think youve figured this out
Diagnose every word, can suffering have an amount?
My apologies for her words spoken
When you disturb within, beautys woken

Dont try to, dont lie to
Calm me down, you think so less of me, call me necessity
Call her out, her name is Emily, the other side of me

When I am lost for words, I, I give her my voice
When I shut my ears, she is fighting your noise
My hands shake as the light starts to fade
All eyes turn when she comes out to play

Calm her down, my eyes drown, claim my face

_________________________________

Speak these demons, set them free.
Into the world.
Forgotten creation,
Brought to existence back to haunt you.
Fix yourself up, work yourself down
All this adventure, crashing the sound.
Forward your fear, backward your fall.
Seeking you can't deny it all.
Talk is cheap and the world
Falls in your debt.
All the thoughtless things you said,
Who would've thought it's the price you pay.
Selling yourself.. short again.
Put the price, on your head.
Stubborn in nature, Fragile creature.
Leave us here to build interest.
Fix yourself up, work yourself down,
All this adventure, crashing the sound.
Forward your fear, Backward your fall.
Seeking, you can't deny it all.
Talk is cheap and the world
Falls in your debt.
All the thoughtless things you said.
Who would've thought it's the price you pay.
Are you in the heart?
See, he's behind your mess.
Forward your fear, backward your fall.
Seeking, you can't deny it all.
Talk is cheap and the world,
Falls in your debt.
All the thoughtless things you said,
Who would've thought it's the price?
__________________________________
She is nothing - they told her today
They want nothing more than her to decay,
She searches for what makes her strong,
Whether it's in a song..
Or a kiss from a luciferish boy.

She is..
A legend unfolding
They haunt her decisions
Their voices are screaming

Inside she screams

She is nothing
Believes what they say,
Cause shes never heard a kind word,
She searches for what makes her strong
Whether it's in a song..
Only therapy she can afford.

She falls to her knees in agony,
Tries to remember what she believes,
How can you lose what's meant to be.
______________________________________

You hold the key to me, Just throw it away please.
Don't have to make a point to disappoint me.

Stay away.
Not strong enough to keep my distance.
You're virus, I must build resistance.

I'm cold from this sickness. What is this fever I missed.

Stay away.
Not strong enough to keep my distance.
You're (a) virus, I must build resistance
Keep me sane, without your existence.

Can't belong inside my head bury me I'm better off dead,
Can't belong inside your head bury me I'm better off dead.

Pasēdēju un izdomāju.

50% ka šodiena ir 2. sliktākā diena, ko es varu iedomāties lai, ko tādu nolemt, bet..
Jā, agrs rīts, pamodos laimīgs, un vairs it nemaz tāds neesmu. Varētu pat teikt ka es esmu dusmīgs. Uz sevi. Tik sasodīti stipri.
Šī attālā doma, kas bija man prātā pavisam tikko [bet ne šodien], goda vārds man šobrīd liek vienkārši šermuļiem pāri pārskriet. Kā pie velna es uzdrīkstos pēc visa, ko savā dzīvē esmu redzējis, ko tādu nodomāt. Fucking, lelle. Tik nožēlojami.. Riebīgi.
Ūn jā, tieši šīs domas apdomāšana, lika man saprast, ka I did absolutely nothing wrong. I did everything I had to do. Ūn way fucking more. Ūn diemžēl es neievēroju, ka man to ir pateikuši jau tik daudz cilvēki, kad viņiem stāstīju savu pēdējā laika dzīvesstāstu, bet es vienkārši negribēju to visu redzēt, jo man patika būt aklam.
It's so ridiculous. Fāking kāmõn. Viss. [nerdrage explosion]. Nāk atmiņā teikums, ko man pateica ļoooti faking sen. Kurš man šobrīd liek saprast, ka atbilde ko es devu uz to jautājumu (tb, man nav pamata to darīt) , šobrīd pavisam noteikti būtu "I'm not different in any way, sõ jā, I'm doing it."
Un ar šito visu, es cenšos panākt, lai mani beidz mocīt pagātnes rēgi, jo kamõn, enough is fucking enough. GTFO.
So yes, I'm doing everything it takes. I'm throwing out the old book, to start over a new leaf.
Ūn jā, breaking promises ūn lūgumus seems to be cool these days. /atceroties manu lūgumu šajā pašā blogā pirms laiciņa.
Anyway, šis blogs tomēr nespēs darīt to, kam viņš bija domāts, arī tādēļ ka es neesmu vienīgais kurš par viņu zin. Un jā šis ieraksts, kurš gan drīz tiks edit'ots ar dziesmu, kas ideāli atspoguļo visu, kas manī plosās, cerams būs pēdējais. Viss, mīļie.

Pokerturnīrs!

Māns pirmais pokerturnīrs, ūn no 3174 cilvēkiem paliku 38ais [ninja edit] ^_____^
Nū jā, prieciņš. ^___^
Stulbi vienīgi ka tik ilgi biju 9-10 vietā ūn tād pa 12 rokām zaudēju visu, totālas veiksmes, bēt vēl lielākas pretinieku veiksmes dēļ [sliktākā kombinācija ever]
Bēt nu jā, jūtos apmierināts, it īpaši jo uz manīm skatījās 3 draugi ūn juta līdzi visas 3h un 15 min, ūn visi faking bļāva kad es noblefoju ūn liku pašam Gus'am Hansen'am šķirties no trešdaļas viņa naudas :D

P.S. Better.!

Ninja edited a day before.

Man šitā dziesma tīk, ūn es gribēju to ielikt priekš sevis, lai ir te ūn ir daļa no visām pārējām. :)

Aizvērt acis ūn iedomāties ka tas ir pa īstam.

Hellõ mans mīļais draugs, sen neesam runājuši. =]
Kā tev iet ūn kādēļ tu jūties tā kā tu jūties?
Nevēlies aizet uz tējas namiņu or goju papļāpāt par visu ko?
Cik jauki. ^^
Nū tagad kad esam šeit *buži*, ņemam to, tu guli tur, es te ūn davaj.
Ūn tā, kad esmu noklausījies to, ko tu pastāstīji, atnes tēju ūn ir mana kārta, ūn man ir tik daudz ko stāstīt, sõ I let it all out, ūn man kā akmens no sirds novēlies ^_____^.
Sõ, anything good comming up? Wow, sounds nice, bēt nu es protams, ka to jau zināju. Nū tikai nē. Ūn man atšķīrībā no tevis drīzumā būs tas ūn tas, ūn tad vairs nebūs nekā. Nēkad ^_______^. Un...

... īstenībā jau varam arī vnk pagulēt un neteikt ne vārda, šitie spilveni ir tīk ērti + šitā tēja īr fõrša.

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face
I need you. I breathe you.
I can't go through this all again.
We have to succumb to
the feelings we can never face I need you.
I breathe you. I can't go through this

Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before

Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before on him
Then she told me she had a gun
it sounded like she'd used it once before, oh man
Then she told me she had a gun
she says she wants to use it on me now

Shatter

Nervous and anxious. ^^

Nū. Būs vai nebūs? ^___^
Arbūziņam būs mājas? aaaaaaa ^_________^
Tas būtu tīk fõrši ^^.
Ūn jāāāāā...... Manu orgasminatoru, nu jau, ir oficiāli lietojuši 29 cilvēki kopš tā iegādes, no kuriem 16 viņu paši nopirka tuvāko 3 dienu laikā. I told you it's grrrreat, bēt nēviens jau negrib ticēt kamēr nav pamēģinājis pats. :D
Ūn jā. Mān ir tāda fõrša dilēma šobrīd. No vienas lietas esmu izārstējies, bēt man nākamned šakumā jāiet pie ārsta, lai pirmo reizi runāt pār problēmiņu, kura, nu jā.. nav forša, ūn pēdējā laikā [manā mērogā - pēdējo 5-6 nedēļu laikā] ir palikusi nopietnāka, bēt nu jā, es kā vnm ārstus atlieku uz pēdējo brīdi. Kāročīt redzēsim kā viss beigsies. ē_ē
In other news... orky is born. In the form of oov and kii. :D ēs gan nezinu, kas pie velna ir kii, bet oov ir.. nu jā, leģenda ^__^ Sarkanā vajadzība. :D
Anyway jā, tieši tagad ir 2:59 naktī ūn es tik tagad esmu reāli izgulējies pēc 4diennakts trakošanas. Sick, sick, sick, visas maliņas sāpēja, bēt nu es par to nesūdzos, mān patika, kgan varbūt tomēr bijām tur bišku par ilgu.. :D
Oh, and one more thing, pamazām sevi emocionāli gatavoju vienam no, diemžēl, tomēr, nepatīkamākajiem brīžiem manā dzīvē, kas, lai kā man negribētos, laikam tomēr nākamnedēļ notiks. Ūn man par to vēl būs jāmaksā. bleh.
Ūn viens cilvēks pieprasa atpakaļ savas austiņas. Jau pirmdien. Sõ man nebūs ar ko klausīties mūziku. Sõ es nopirkšu jaunas austiņas. ūn tas būs sõ nice.
ūn godīgi sakot, man vienalga.. :D
Kas vēl.. šodien bija garšīgi chicken wings. Un es izgāzos ar kartupeļananāsiem.
Man tagad priekšā ir šķīvis ar kečupu, un bļodiņa ar salveti. un karotīti.
Jo es šodien pirmo reizi kopš bērnības ieēdu biezpienu, kurš man negaršo, un es nezinu kāpēc. Bēt nu, ar lielu daudzumu ievārījuma, nāv it nemaz slikti. :D
oh, and i.t.i.h.y.a.a. ^^

How about it then?

^Who are you!?
*I love you!
^You've got my name on your boobies!

All of the soul songs of my head written, burned, and let go.

..Ūn rekur tad ir mans solījums sev.

[27.04.2009]
I take back the life that I gave you. I take back, all my fucking money too. I take back everything except the part where I said we were through. I take back all the flowers that I gave you, I take back all the dinners that I brought you, I take back the time you stole my heart, my soul, are you even listening. I take back every word I've said to you.

[28.04.2009]
Nothing to hold on to. Noone there to catch you. Nothing relaly matters when the world is crashing down.

[29.04.2009]Broken hearts and torn up letters, girl you just can't dance forever, if you want to make it better. her hands are in her pockets and she's scared to look, the picture's frozen and she's closed the book, jealousy has only got one friend, and Joey's heart was never meant to mend. Walking faster, now she holds him close, the timing matters just to take the dose, empty pockets tell the stories. There's no destiny, when everyone's your enemy. Take your jealous heart and cast it into stone. You'll regret it all, living behind your wall. And you'll never fall in love if you don't fall at all.

[29.04.2009]
Crushing down from your promises all in vein. Shot your 44 caliber words with aim. You might have killed the heart, but you've left the brain. Switch all the lights off, tell me what you want from me, take my time and my energy. Give it up, you've abandoned me.

[29.04.2009]
I won't be there, i won't do anything. No I won't be there to catch you if you fall.

[29.04.2009]
I hate this song, because it was written for you. Seasons are clashing. One more's fine.

[16.05.2009]
Back to the disaster. My heart's beeating faster. And I'll never say you're perfect. Fucking up and never admitting it. Never being sorry. Never going back in time before the incident cause I don't even remember what was it like back when it was as good as a dream gets.

[22.05.2009]
Walking on a ship that's destined to drown. Walking no matter what and holding the arm of a stranger cause the only one that's earned your trust is this one person. It's just a stranger. You love the stranger. And so you both walkon a ship that's destined to drown and hold each other's hands tight, cause it's the only hand worth holding on to... And nobody in the world cares. And neither do you two. It doesn't matter why it's happening. What matters is, that it is actually happening.

[24.06.2009]
Light the night. I'm on fire. Now I know just what to change in me, to make you notice, what you're letting go - this, was all part of my plan. Every step I take is my own. I'm sick of watching the sunrise, I'm floating straight into the sunset, here I go. I don't need you here, to validate me. I don't need you here, to show me anything.

[07.06.2009]
Take your rows and your highs like a rollercoaster ride. Like a polar that's a bright light, that's a sign. if ya believe so listen. I'm-a tell ya why. You're gonna get what you deserve, what comes around, comes around, haven't ya heard. Like a boomerang bound to round the curve, you're gonna get what you deserve.

[09.07.2009]
I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry. But it always comes out wrong. I think a part of you still loves me, even though we're moving on. Always all ways, I wanted us to be, always, all ways you and me. And I'm sorry for what happened, but I want you now to see, that I'm changing all my actions, I don't wanna set you free.

[09.07.2009]
But every time before that I. Tried to measure pain inside you can't ignore it. Right now you can't ignore it. I'll take my heart and rip my feelings out before they make me doubt and I'll fall down with flames by me, I'll love again as long as you will go. I will now rise from the ashes, don't call me pretentious, I'm sitting here making my own rules. And if I fall from the ceiling, you'll be down there waiting... To finish me. Finish me.

[09.08.2009]
Broken, bruised and numb. Would you restate your opinion and hold back your investigation. Do you see the sins you're making cause I've made them all before

[19.07.2009]
I turned away today, without even needing the guys to say, That i think about you every day. I guess, what happened today, is a sign, that I have to put you away, and I hope, that when you're reading this, you won't think about the way things were, cause today those things lost their last air to breathe. I guess I really would have told you everything, and even if not, I would've given you this letter I hold in my hands, in pieces now.. Who knows, maybe it'd change something.. But I guess you don't want that. You're probably right.. And also about the fact that people really DO always leave. Just like that black cat in your blog's picture. But well, at least the weather here, at the krastmala is nice, and even though I'm leaving now. It was fun to wonder if you'd come.

[22.07.2009]
That's when she said I don't ha-te you, I'm just trying to sa-ve you, while there's still something left to save. That's when I said that I lo-ve you, and I can't get enough o-f you. And that I really think you should stay.

[23.07.2009]
So look at me now, Understand where I am, on top where you won't ever be. You should have lived to reach the dream. Not sorry for that, just remember what you said. I'm stuck in circles, with walls around me, that I can't kick away. Take a look around you, these pictures of me, these guys following, your pretty face looks strange. What will you do and how far will you go, to reclaim the place, will you be the bandage for my bleeding. So what will you do with your back against the wall. I'm standing right in front of you. My words for blaming you, that's all. And where will you go, when there's nothing left to say. You're stuck in circles, with walls around you, you can't kick away. Would you bleed a river to construct the spirit, full of pieces, based on good old memories.

[29.07.2009]
They like you, and they like me, they like what gives them money. Money.. Is just a problem we have.. I've been to places yet I still don't know. To where do I belong. I am alone immune, to everything, to everything. Don't bother me, I'm minding my own. So don't stand in my way, I'll do what makes me happy.

[01.08.2009]
Right now, I'm trying my best to see the bright side of the darkest we could be. Can't tell, right from wrong, kill the weak to make you strong. Don't say, fear is what we need, don't try to challenge what I believe, I'll be the judge of who you say is my enemy, I've had enough, no you won't take it out on me. Faces, so many faces, in far away places, but I feel alone. Changes you promised me changes, the coming of angels, but I'm still alone. you say it's better to ignore, some say, there's nothing worth fighting for, so we shot our mouths and out our eyes. If noone sees them noone cries. We are only stupid people. Voices fading, words unarmed. We are only useless people, uninvited, so alone. Right now, I'm trying my best to see, the bright side of the darkest we can be. The darkest we can be..

[02.08.2009]
I'm a book wide open and a page missing.

[03.08.2009]
Tell me where our time went, and if it was time well spent. just don't let me fall asleep. Feeling empty again, cfause I fear I can't take it. Tonight I lie awake, feeling empty. We're better off, without me.

[03.08.2009]
There were no teardrops in your eyes.

[13.08.2009]
Sun goes down, sun comes up. Days can drown in a plastic cup, in this town. Don't know how, don't know when, something came but it left again, and I'm down, with this town. Cause no matter what I see, people love to disagree. Every time I say what I wanna be, someone says that's not how it's gonna be. Come on baby, quit your dreaming, grab your things, the train is leaving. Time to pick that somewhere you wanna go, get there quick or drown in the undertow. Come on baby, time is wasting, choose the wheel that gets you racing. Sun comes up, and down again, hard to stop feeling broken in.

[17.08.2009]
Wake me up, cause I must be dreaming I can't believe, what my eyes are seeing.

[23.08.2009]
Stab your dagger right through my heart and twist. Follow it up, by punching my face with your fist. Now on the ground, cut open both of my wrists. Say that you love me, suffocate me with a kiss. What ever turns you on. Here's to me calling off this war. Here's to me walking out that door. Here's to the only casuality. Here's to the mess you've made of me.

[23.08.2009]
I hate this day. gg :/

[14.09.2009]
I will let this go you know. I will watch this die so slow. Wonder where the feelings go. Every time I see some more, but I've got you inside of me, don't you have the world to see, just go on and let me be. We can finally both be free.

[14.09.2009]
Because you push me, push me, over the edge, Tired of wasting my time, tired of wasting my breath.

[14.09.2009]
tūtiņa

[24.09.2009]
Time slips to nothing, and I'm better than I've ever been. And my time here is all but done. You won't burn my soul, pyromaniac. Erase all your pain, tkae your anger back. And I'm up in the attic where the raft is strong. So many reasons to be tragic, and the list is long. Life is a violent attack, you cut me down. Time passes by, direction unknown, you've left us now, but we're not alone. Before you know it, your cup's overflown, you measure noone that I've ever known. And it's quite alright, and so good bye for now, and so long good bye.

[24.09.2009]
You, me, I'll break it down. The art of breaking up.

[29.09.2009]
King of contradiction.

[02.10.2009]
If you're my star, then you're shining brighter than ever, but why would that matter, if you went dim for me. There are many stars in the sky now, and the number of the ones dim, just doubled. I've got a lot, but there's one thing I'm missing. and that's my one-star sky.

[09.10.2009]
One of us is going down, it will be a long time coming, but you've got the message now, cause I was never going, yeah, you're the one that's going down.

[13.10.2009]
Nepārvarama vēlme izkauties.

[13.10.2009]
Vainot.. Ir jā. Nejau destiny or liktenis or whatever, viņi darīja the best they could. Vainīga ir cilvēku vēlme neņemt to, kas ir uz zelta paplātes, bet ņemt pašu paplāti, jo tā taču ir no zelta..

[14.10.2009]
Pēdējā, mazā sāpīte, un viss būs ideāli.

fool

Džīzas, es esmu tāds muļķis. Gluži vienkārši dēļ tās vienas domas, kas man bija prātā pirms apmēram 5 minūtēm, I can't believe I even thought about it.
*aiziet pakaļ bormašīnai or whatever ūn izurbj sev paurī caurumu, pa kurieni visas naivas muļķībiņas iztek ārā*
Nāiss, daudz vairāk vietas tagad ko var piepildīt ir vajadzīgām lietām ūn ar happy things nevis "theoldemotionalthoughtthings"..
*dungo pie sevis*
Titties and beer,
I thank God, almighty, for titties and beer,
Titties and beer,
Hunting two-legged deer,
Thank God I ain't queer,
There's one thing daddy likes,
And that's titties and beer,

Hammer time.
Neloģiskas lietas fõr the win, ūn vispār Laura šodien tika pasludināta par Lauru. Jāiet svinēt. Ūn rīt iesvētībās jāiet dzerstīties. Ūn parīt Jāņa iesvētībās jāiet dzerstīties. Ūn piektdien vienkārši jāiet dzerstīties. Ūn vispār šitam blogam visdrīzāk, no gariem ierakstiem, būs vēl tikai viens.
Ūn fak my shoes.
Un grrr.

I wanna punch somebody. Really. I do. That's wrong, isn't it ?

Define your meaning of war
To me it's what we do when we're bored
I feel the heat comin' off of the blacktop
And it makes me want it more
Because I'm hyped up, outta control
If it's a fight I'm ready to go
I wouldn't put my money on the other guy
If you know what I already know

It's been a long time coming
And the table's turned around
Cause one of us is goin'
One of us is goin' down
I'm not runnin'
It's a little different now
Cause one of us is goin'
One of us is going down!

Define your meaning of fun
To me it's when we're gettin' done
I feel the heat comin' off of the blacktop
So get ready for another one
Let's take a trip down memory lane
The words circulate in my brain
You can treat this like another all I'm saying
But don't cry like a bitch when you feel the pain

This is hardly worth fighting for
But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore
With my fist in your face
and your face on the floor
It'll be a long time comin'
But you got the message now
Cause I was never goin'
Yea, you're the one that's going down!

One of us is going down

Ūn.. uz citas nots.. es šodien noklausījos dziesmu, ko man kāds atsūtīja pirms... nu jau pailga laiciņa.. ūn jā.. tad gan es to neievēroju, nezinu kādu iemeslu dēļ, but that song's amazing. Šitik dziļi aizskar, bāc :o. [Spill Canvas - This is for keeps]

Pasāciens ūn the Wendigo tale.

Šausmīgs mīļums šodien bij. Tāds prieks redzēt jūs ^___^.

A Wendigo is an unusual creature from Yukon myths, half phantom, half beast, embodying the dangers of Winter in the flesh. An elemental spirit of the wind and cold, it moves through the woods with preternatural stealth and speed, leaving hauntingly scorched trails of distantly spaced footprints in the snow.

It's attributed various powers, including flight, invisibility, the projection of illusions, and a keen tracking sense for its prey - typically unwary travellers, especially young and foolhardy ones.

The most common origin for a Wendigo is the consumption of human flesh during a harsh winter; this awakens a feral hunger that gradually transforms one into the monster.

Rubble beneath my feet.

Šodien bija manas dzīves trakākā nakts.
Holy crap, kādi 8 sapņi vienā naktī :x.
Piedzīvots viss, sākot ar vilšanos, turpinot ar naidu, prieku, un ar nāvi kādā dienā drīzumā, plkst 19:35 :x

I held onto you
For as long as I could
But today, you fell away
Now what I hold
Are the memories we barely made
I stood on the edge of your bridge
Until I felt the rain, push me away
My confusion left me fast as the vertigo came

What I believed to be true
It was only a dream
That lived in me
I just projected it
Over your beautiful screen
I self medicated my way
Through this mess that we made
So I could stay
There was nothing, but I waited
I waited

Where is the space I could move
Where could I rest my head
There's nothing left for me here
It's hard to leave behind
The one thing that made me feel alive
So I slide, from paranoid to paradise

Welcome to my world.

I'm not comin' back
I'm not gonna react
I'm not doin' shit for you.
I'm not sittin' around while you are tearin' it down around us.
I'm not livin' a lie while you swim in denial
'Cause you're already dead and gone
You leave me out on the curb just like everyone else before you.

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world

I don't care what you think I'm not seeing a shrink.
I'm not doing this again.
I'm not another student or a mother to take your shit out on
So let's see what you got, let's see what you're not
And what ever else you pretend
You've defended my intentions long enough

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.

Another lesson burned
And I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world

So here I am again.
In the middle of the end.
And the choice I wish I made
I always make too late

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world.

My world (welcome to my world)
My world (welcome to my world)
Welcome baby.

Faith.

"I guess, if you're going to have faith, you can't just have it when miracles happen, you've got to have it when they don't."

Warm hug..

Indeed... it was..

That's not me... and.. hate. and dziesma kas lika pasmieties

Šovakar biju tiešām ļoti dīvainā garastāvoklī, ūn tā dēļ cieta cilvēks.
Really sorry. I guess šitā ir pirmā reize, kad es zināju ka es daru kaut ko tādu ko nožēlošu, bet tāpat turpināju to darīt, nesaprotamu iemeslu dēļ. Jām, sorry for all the bad things I said.
And yeah, I think I'm beginning to be a person who hates a lot of stuff, es tāds agrāk nebiju. :/
Un vēļ man rodas daudz spontānu ideju, lai veidot kādas drastiskas pārmaiņas manā dzīvē, pat ja tās galīgi nav vajadzīgas, un pēc tām galīgi neprasās... getting the weird "ja es nolēmu, tad lai arī cik bezjēdzīgi tas ir, es to izdarīšu" attitude in my brain. Neierasti.
Un.. Man šodien kaut ko apsolīja, kaut ko tādu, kas tad kad pienāks, darīs mani happy, ūn es biju šokā, kad man to apsolīja ^__^ thank jū. ^^ prieks apzināties ka tomēr ir jauki cilvēki, ūn ka es šobrīd pazīštu tik daudz tādus ^^.
Oh un Ivi, paldies par sāpošiem vaigiem no smiekliem. :D
Un jā, I said goodbye to myself today. ^^
Let us begin. ^^

Ūn jā, dziesma kas lika pasmaidīt --->
Faded away like the color in a blue sky at the end of the day.
Night falls and the search begins for something better than this.

A scream or a cry, the truth or a lie,
I'm not sure they will save us this time.
I don't wanna be around
when it all comes down to watch something beautiful die.

You said the only way was to run away.
You're sick of me so you just can't stick around to hear me pleading
(I'm pleading).
Does it show?
I'm pathetic, I know.
I just can't stand here and watch you go.
I'm running after you (I'm running after you).

Helpless, cause my hands are tied.
Eyelids pinned back so they're open wide.
In a theatre, all alone in the front row,
to watch something beautiful die.

A scream or a cry, the truth or a lie,
I'm not sure they will save us this time.
I don't wanna be around
when it all comes down to watch something beautiful die.

You said the only way was to run away.
You're sick of me so you just can't stick around to hear me pleading
(I'm pleading).
Does it show?
I'm pathetic, I know.
I just can't stand here and watch you go.
I'm running after you (I'm running after you).

What happened to the things we used to do?
You said it's all the same and that you needed a change.
You left without goodbye and now I'm wondering why.
But I don't think I want to know all the things that he does better
and how the past just doesn't matter.
You left me once but this time will be the last time.

You said the only way was to run away.
You're sick of me so you just can't stick around to hear me pleading
(I'm pleading).
Does it show?
I'm pathetic, I know.
I just can't stand here and watch you go.
I'm running after you (I'm running after you).

Look for the feeling that we lost.
Where did you have it last?
Maybe if we retrace our steps.
But we can't find the path that led us here to where we stand.
Face to face to watch this bitter end.
Now something beautiful is dead.

[Nespēlējies,savādāk iemīlēsies.]

"Cilvēka sirds ir tāda muļķe, ka cer pat tad, kad tai vairs nav nekāda pamata to darīt"
"Es šonakt domāšu par tevi... atļauju neprasot... tāpat kā tu manas domas aizņem, arī atļauju neprasot..."
"Gribēju Tev nosūtīt ko mīļu, bet pastnieks izmeta mani no pastkastītes"
"Never ignore someone, who really cares for you, because someday u may realize that... u have lost a Diamond, while u were collecting stones"
"Ikviens var tevi saraudināt vai sasmīdināt. Bet tikai īpašs cilvēks tevi sasmīdinās, kad tev jau asaras acīs"

a few spešal wõrds.

Lie to me, say it was a dream, so I can continue my artificial happiness.

Hello my friend.
Do you know what lies are?
Have you ever thought that you've gone too far?
Have you sat on the bed in the middle of the night,
Wondering, if this is love, or a fight?

You sit there and wonder,
Just for a moment.
Then you realise, you don't want to think about that.
Because it'll just make you sad.

But some days are meant to be like that,
It isn't really that bad.
Cause that makes other days brighter,
And your life more colorful, so - fight it?
Why bother.

Have you lied on the grass on a sunny day,
Watching the clouds, and thinking what they try to say.
Have you ever stood up after that,
And felt like a totally new person?

Stop playing with fire.
You're going to get burned.
And then everything will be drowned,
In a sky of dust and a sea of ashes.

Better keep a nice memory
Of a boy with a heartbeat controlling him,
with naive dreams propelling him to happiness.
And a special girl with the heart of gold,
A desire to burn all of the damn bridges out there,
And soul with dreams untold, and a story to unfold.

I really hope, that at least I'll be able to keep it for good,
Without the memories and impressions being destroyed,
By stupid games with no reason, and spontaneous actions which led to arson.

As you know, hope doesn't die quickly.
And the slightest resemblance of hope dies last.
Well I guess that day came a long time ago,
But well, there's a long way from the brain to the heart.
And so.. this affection..
Just wake me up, and say - it's time to get up
Enough games, enough dreams, enough of everything.
It's time to go.
And oh, the road has never looked so straight and bright before.
And just come here and kick this rock, to a new location>
It's all it's been waiting for, for so long.

Ūn jām. Pārītis spešal lietu.

This one's a bit old.

Let’s get up and be the darkest we can be,
Let’s shut down the town and spend this night to scream,
Let’s go outside and hate the world,
We’ll scream all day, we’ll fill it up,
We’ll sit back down, and start to muck,
We’ll spend the night hating the day we spent hating.
Then I’ll look at you from above,
And feel much smaller than you ever were,
I’ll sit back down, right next to you,
And give you a deep look,
Make you think I’m thinking,
While I’ll just be looking,
Thinking about nothing.
Then I’ll open my mouth and say nothing.
And you’ll look at me and say you’re afraid.
And I’ll say that’s okay, so am I.
I’ll get up and go, and leave you there.
Thinking about this day.
And there’s nothing there for you to say.
You’ll get up and go.
And I’ll never see you again.

Ūn these words are spešal. Ūn jā, viss.

I can still remember
The words and what they meant
As we etched them with our fingers
In years of wet cement
The days blurred into each other
Though everything seemed clear
We cruised along at half speed
But then we shifted gears

We ran like vampires from a thousand burning suns
But even then we should have stayed
But we ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

Identities assume us
As nine and five add up
Synchronizing watches
To the seconds that we lost
I looked up and saw you
I know that you saw me
We froze but for a moment
In empathy

I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug
You gave my emptiness away

But you ranaway
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

We ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

Ehh...

If I don't care, then why does it hurt.?
Oh well, es tāpat zinu kā šitas viss beigsies, sõ tikai pāris mēneši palikuši..

Omg.

I can't believe I was right.
Why.
Did.
I.
Have.
To.
Be.
Right.

And... even though everything adds up, it doesen't make sense.
Partially like yesterday's poker night.
I should've lost, but I doubled up. Everyone else thought I should've doubled up, but I still think I lost. Then I knelt to the pressure and accepted the double up and later on the winner's prize. Oh well. Whatever makes others happy.
Anyway, I can't say I like what's going on, I just might be happy. Chances comming. I don't want them. Not anymore. I don't want a thing. It's so easy this way. No headache, no heartache, no ache at all. There's only one little thing left that kinda makes me feel sad every time I look at it. And.. well.. yeah.. let's see if it changes anytime soon, cause I really don't want to get rid of it.

I'm holding onto white balloons
Up against a sky of doom
Tell me you see them
'Cause what's inside of me is invisible to most
Even in clear view
I'm sending out a signal to the possibility of you
'Cause right at this moment
I know you're connected to a part of me that I don't even know myself

The changes in me
Are likely to be like the weather
Stormy and clear strength into fear bound together

But I'll break my silence
If I believed that you and me could ever be
More than just what's been behind us
I tried and left, they came and went
I got rejected out again
But no one believes me
I've worn a hundred faces
Of the character replacements and now
Nobody sees me

The changes in me
Are likely to be like the weather
Cloudy at best...

Angels lift me
Are you with me?
I'm holding onto you like
I'm holding onto white balloons
Carry me away
I hope that you don't break
Angels lift me
Are you with me?
I'm holding onto you like
I'm holding onto white balloons
Carry me away
I hope that you don't break
I hope that you don't break
Don't break

'Cause what's inside of me is invisible to most
Even in clear view

Funny. :D

Weird, man atsūtīja dziesmu Tu neguli [Kārlis Kazāks] ūn man viņa pat patika.
ūn vel labāk, jo es vārdus momentā atpazinu, jo šķita ka es viņus kaut kur esmu lasījis, ūn jām, nepagāja ne 5 sek kā es sapratu kur.

And so.. I've got a few.

This is a warning
My final warning
This is a warning
My final warning

My head full of wreckage
A mouth full of lies
My mind is in the gutter
I feel like I wanna die

I'm the king of nothing
With a broken crown
I'm gonna take it and beat it
But I won't back down

Free me from myself
Shut down my mind
A so long revolution
Into the light

This spear is a weakness
And it's wearing me out
I'm burning the sickness
It feels like I'm going down
And align my affliction
And I run from the light
It's a lowly condition

Fuck all this madness
Put it aside
Out of the shadows
Into the light

Free me from myself
Shut down my mind
_______________________________
You have changed
I have changed
Just like you
Just like you

Your concrete heart isn't beating
And you tried to
Make it come alive

No shadows
Just red lights
Someone here to rescue you

Oh I'm still alive
I'm still alive
I can't apologise, no.
________________________________
Somewhere down the line
We learn there's rules that were meant to be broken
Others bend but never break
Mistakes are meant for making us
Who we are inside

Bring it into the light
No more darkness diluting
Ideas of living a life
With something to feel

Bring it into the light
No more darkness diluting
Ideas of living a life
With something to feel
Unifying my body and my mind
My heart and my soul
My body and my mind
My heart and my soul.
__________________________________
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
__________________________________
It feels like I'm still in a cage
I scream till I'm blue in the face
Is it real or is it a fase
It's time that i change my ways

I'm ready I'm willing
To take what I've been giving
The pressure keeps rising
'Cause the truth is what I'm finding

The only thing that will set us free
is living trough the pain
And the only thing that I cannot take
Will never be the same.
______________________________________
The butterfly moves 'round and 'round
around the fire that burns so bright
the attraction he can't resist
the mystic sight is draging it
into the light

you've got no wings
but you're my butterfly
so full of power when you're high
your flame is white, I lose the fight
you never stop killing yourself, you're going
into the light

it's over now... it's over now...
you went straight
into the light
_______________________
And So it is..
Just Like you said it would be.
The shorter story.

Šis blogs vairs nedara to, kādēļ es viņu iekārtoju, so tas mainīsies. Šitas ir pēdējais ieraksts for the "not right" stuff.

You are
My one and only
But one can seem so fucking lonely
Shut up
Hear me out
I got a bad habit
I can't live without something wicked this way comes
Infidelity
I'm the king of unaccountability
I was born with a devil on my shoulder
I had a guilty heart
Right from the start
I was born with a devil on my shoulder
It's ripping me apart
My hands are tied
With this feeling comes no conscience
Do or die
I'm content in misery
Don't even try understanding all this pain
The reason why
I don't know
Shut up
Listen to what I say
Time is running out
You should bail today
Something wicked this way comes
Guilt inside of me
The king of pain I'm his only son
Make you wish you'd never put your trust in me
Wake up
This is never gonna end.

Sense. This picture makes none. just like you.

"p.s. – jā i know ka biji behind me tāpēc es arī sāku iet ātrāk. un tikt prom. un neatbildēt. lai gan.. nu labi neko. nedrīkstu. "

hilarious. And 0 sense to it. And whatever, btw it was funny how ejot ārā no hamleta tu bik mēģināji noslēpt seju xD.
Anyway, no worries, I don't need you to answer anything. Have a nice day/night/week/month/year/life ^___^